The longest day of my life

Monday, March 26, 2007 was coming to a close and proving to be one of the longest days that I have endured.

As things wrapped up at the site where mom's car was found, along with her cell phone which was found in the dumpster in BAD condition, we went back home to face the reality of spending the night at mom and dad's house without mom.....without knowing where she was. I am not sure that anything else can be as frightening as going to sleep that first night with a loved one missing.

Before going to bed, I needed to pick AC and AS up at the airport. When I got there, we all burst into tears.... "it doesn't look good" I said to them, as I began to explain the events of the entire day that had taken place. I couldn't believe the words that were pouring from my mouth....they were real...I wasn't dreaming....this was all really happening.

Earlier, upon leaving the site where mom's car was found, I asked Cathy, my parent's neighbor, what she thought of the idea of me sleeping with dad for the night. I explained that I was terrified and that I knew dad was scared too....I didn't have a boyfriend or husband to comfort me, so it only felt natural to cuddle up with my father (who I knew was hurting). She said that she would do exactly the same thing. So later that night, after I got my aunts back to the house and everyone was winding down (with the help of some anti-anxiety medication), I explained that I was going to sleep with dad.

I laid there drifting off, wondering if mom was still alive. I thought of all the various scenarios....she was being held by an abductor who was hurting her, she had gone crazy and was wondering the streets delerious, she was no longer with us, she was scared, hurt, or something worse....tortured. As I tried to block these thoughts from my head, I couldn't help but blame myself....I was invited to come over and have dinner with them the day before, and I said no because I was exhausted from helping Habitat for Humanity build a home. I realized that it had been 2 weeks since I had actually been in the presence of my mom. Oh how I missed her at this very moment. This was the end of the first day of the rest of my life as I would begin to know it.