Confusion sets in

Dad and I decided to go out looking for mom's car. I was slightly nervous because finding her car abandoned meant that mom was abducted or something equally bad. We drove around for an hour with no luck. Fully exhausted and running on no energy, I suggested we head back home to start calling hospitals, wrecking companies, and the credit card companies again. Dad seemed to be in a daze and agreed to whatever I had to say. How was it that I was the one holding up so well? We got home and I went and sat on mom's favorite chair for a while. Looking around her bedroom, I observed things as she left them and began to cry. I cried for reasons I didn't even know, but I was terrified.

During this time, I felt a tug at my heart...not significant, but enough to notice that God was reaching out to me. A year ago I questioned how big our God really is. Everyone talks about how great and big our God is, but I only believed in Him,.....I never experienced Him first hand. I silently prayed the most genuine and heartfelt prayer I have ever prayed. "Lord, I need you. I cannot sustain this. This is bigger than me and I need your help to find mom. I know that you are watching over her, but please help me and protect me. I am scared Lord, more scared than I have been in my life. Send me your angels." And then I went next door to speak to one of the most Christian woman I have ever met, Cathy. Cathy prayed with me and cried with me and promised to help in any way possible. I felt a little comfort in a most confusing time.

4:00 pm was approaching and the situation was looking more serious by the minute. Something terrible really has happened to mom. I asked dad if he had called my brother Jay. He mentioned that he was waiting until he got off work to call and explain the situation. I finally called Jay on my own and handed the phone to dad. Jay immediately came over with his wife Mimi and baby Sierra. We all cried together and I kept telling dad and Jay, "we will find her."

Dad and Jay went out looking for her car again, as Mimi, Sierra and I went back to my place to let my beagle Mags out. As soon as we got to my place, my phone rang.....it was dad crying. I couldn't make out a word he was saying only "car" and "mom." I swallowed hard, "dad, did you find mom's car?" Yes he had and my heart sank.

Mimi and I raced back to the site where dad said the car was. By now it was raining and dark and was about 7 pm. I found dad hyperventillating in the back of Rachel's car. Police cars were everywhere, officers had their flashlights and were searching through the empty field behind mom's car. It was surreal. I grabbed dad's hand and prayed outloud again...."Lord, please protect my family. Bring mom safely home to you or safely home to us. Send your angels to us Lord."

The only thing I knew to do was put my trust, faith and hope in the Lord. I kept talking to Him like I had been meaning to my whole life. It was like being in the arms of a long lost friend. One that doesn't judge you for how long you avoided her or ignored her, but rather just happy that you were in her presence. It was the only thing that I knew to do. Everything else was just situational and I was surviving minute to minute.